The past little while I’ve had very little time to paint. It’s also not really been a priority, as life stuff has been deemed more important right now. I had plans for things I wanted to try out, stuff I wanted to learn, and none of it has happened. It is 4 a.m. as I write this, having gotten up because it was pretty obvious by the thoughts swirling around in my head that sleep was just not happening. I hate it when that happens. But on the upside, it is really quiet.
I’ve been trying out a few things to reduce the stress in my life… so far nothing has worked. I was doing ok until the middle of last week, when a ridiculous conversation with my manager left me fuming. It’s not financially possible to just quit my job, but if ever the urge was there to tell someone they can go f**k themselves, it was then. I was angry for the next two days.
Working in a corporate environment is a completely soul-sucking experience. So many rules… I want to take a vacation, but before I am even allowed to submit the request I have to check with everyone and their dog to make sure it’s ok with them. So many minutes allowed away from my desk, account for every second, don’t talk, don’t text, don’t talk on your phone. Follow this workflow. Doesn’t matter that it doesn’t make sense or makes your job more difficult than it needs to be. This is not optional. Do as you are told. F. My. Life.
I keep thinking that there has to be some creative way I can take all the crap I see every day and use it. I started to write a novel at one point… thinly veiled character studies of my coworkers and their impossible tasks. It was too depressing so I abandoned it. I thought about painting my coworkers… but then I’d have a series of portraits of angry people that would only serve to remind me how bad it is for all of us. Not what I want hanging in my house. It will come to me eventually. Or early retirement might come first. I think I might prefer that option.