This painting was a real turning point for me. I was so frustrated. SO frustrated. I had painted and repainted and nothing I did was speaking to me. The few successes I had seemed to just happen. The remaining panels I had started all changed dramatically with each session, but they just all seemed so… well…. boring.
I’ve always believed that the boredom of the artist will show up in the painting. The artist has to be totally engaged, or the painting won’t be better than mediocre. That’s why as soon as I start to get bored with what I’m doing, I change direction. I had managed to get to a place where I just didn’t care anymore, I had to do something different. I pulled out a tube of orange a friend had given me… a colour I didn’t think I would ever use, and just slapped on the paint. I got out my soft pencil and scribbled on the board. Then I moved on to the next one.
Imagine my surprise the next day when I looked and saw not one, but THREE panels that were working. They weren’t perfect. They still needed adjustments. But overall, there was something there. Some emotion was showing. Even if it was frustration, there it was.
I know that the other pieces I have stacked up will get there if I just keep going. Sometimes it doesn’t take much, just a few strokes and it pulls together. I feel a bit more confident that this show in October isn’t going to be a disaster. I still have a lot to do… my social life is practically non-existent at the moment and I hope my friends understand. As soon as I have a reasonable number of pieces completed and can resume my life and anything else I get done will be a bonus. I know things will be fine however it works out. Worst case scenario I can take every piece I have in my house to the gallery. But I know I can do better, so I’m sure as hell going to try.