It’s been a difficult week. My puppy had a relapse of her vestibular thing, but this time, instead of getting better, it got progressively worse. We were thinking she’d come out of it, but instead it became painfully obvious that there was something more serious going on. The vet didn’t really give us much hope, so we had to make the painful decision to end her suffering. And suffering she most definitely was.
I’m not really feeling much motivation to do anything but lie in front of the TV in the fetal position, but I know if I just go and do something eventually I will feel better. I gave myself a week to wallow, but any longer and I risk sinking into a depression. Can’t have that, especially on the brink of winter. So I got off my ass. I got to the gym for the first time since I started having trouble breathing… it wasn’t exactly the workout I’ve been doing for the past 15 years, but I managed about a half hour of exercise without a coughing fit. I worked in my art journal a bit. And I did a bit of painting.
Painting is like meditation to me. It’s the only time during the day when I am completely in the moment. I don’t have that when I’m drawing. Drawing is much more of a thinking thing for me. When I’m painting an abstract it is just paint, colour, shapes… the world falls away. I think the only way I’m going to keep myself sane is to take the time to go into my studio and work, even if what I create is complete and total crap. So much for taking a break. It doesn’t seem to be helping. I guess I better just get back to work.